How To Make Friends As An Adult
Making friends as an adult is hard, woman looking out of a window alone
Making friends as an adult is hard. Have you ever caught yourself saying “It was so much easier to make friends as a kid,” it’s because it’s true! When we’re young, friendship often happens naturally through school, activities, or simply being around the same group of people all the time. But as adults, life looks a lot different—our time is often consumed by work, family, and responsibilities. And if you’ve experienced trauma or struggle with anxiety, building new relationships can feel even more complex and overwhelming.
As a therapist who works with trauma and anxiety, I see this challenge come up frequently in my sessions. Many adults (myself included) long for deeper connections but struggle to make friends. They feel awkward, vulnerable, or unsure of where to even start. But here's the good news: you're not alone in this.
Making friends in adulthood can be challenging, but it’s absolutely possible—and it can be incredibly rewarding once you embrace the process.
Why Is It So Hard to Make Friends as an Adult?
There are a few reasons why forming friendships as adults can feel more complicated:
1. Limited Opportunities
When we’re kids or in school, we’re surrounded by potential friends all the time—classmates, sports teams, after-school clubs. As adults, we don’t have those built-in opportunities as much. Our lives are more segmented, and finding people with similar interests can be harder unless we go out of our way to create those spaces.
2. Busy Schedules
Life as an adult is often packed with responsibilities. Between work, family, and personal commitments, many of us feel like we don’t have the time or energy to invest in new friendships. Making plans can feel like another task on our neverending to-do list, which can prevent us from pursuing new relationships.
3. Fear of Rejection
Let’s be honest: putting yourself out there and trying to make friends can feel scary. It’s vulnerable, especially if you’ve been hurt in past relationships or if social anxiety is a struggle for you. The fear of rejection, or simply not knowing how to initiate a friendship, can stop us from making the first move (yes, it’s kinda like dating when it comes to making new friends as an adult).
4. Past Trauma and Trust Issues
For those of us with trauma, building new friendships can feel even more complicated. If you’ve been hurt in the past, it’s natural to feel guarded. You might question whether new people are trustworthy or worry about being vulnerable. These feelings are valid, but they can also make it harder to create new connections.
5. Life Transitions (Motherhood, New Jobs, Moving)
Big life changes—like becoming a parent, starting a new job, or relocating—can shift your social world dramatically. For example, motherhood can bring joy and fulfillment, but it also adds layers of complexity to your friendships. Many new moms feel isolated, as their focus shifts toward caring for their child. Your schedule is no longer your own, and simple things like grabbing coffee with a friend might seem impossible with a baby (especially when they’re crawling!). It’s easy to feel disconnected from old friends, especially those who don’t have children, or struggle to meet other moms you genuinely click with.
The Importance of Friendship in Adulthood
The importance of having female friendships in adulthood; three female friends laughing
Despite these challenges, having friendships as an adult is so important.
Friendships provide emotional support, fun, and a sense of belonging that we all need. They help us navigate life’s ups and downs, offer fresh perspectives, and remind us that we’re not alone in our experiences. Everyone needs and deserves their own tribe.
If you’re dealing with trauma or anxiety, friendships can be a crucial part of your healing journey. Having someone to talk to, laugh with, or simply share your day can create a sense of stability and comfort. The key is learning how to cultivate these friendships in a way that feels authentic and manageable for where you are in life.
Tips for Making Friends in Adulthood
If you're feeling stuck when it comes to making friends, here are some simple strategies to get started:
1. Start Small
You don’t have to dive headfirst into making a new best friend right away. Start small by engaging in low-pressure social interactions. Say hello to your neighbor, talk to a parent in the playground, chat with a coworker, or reconnect with an old school friend. These small interactions can build over time and lead to deeper connections.
2. Pursue Your Interests
One of the best ways to meet like-minded people is to engage in activities you enjoy. Join a book club, take a class, or volunteer for a cause you care about. Shared interests naturally create opportunities for connection, and it’s easier to bond with someone when you already have something to talk about!
3. Be Patient with Yourself
Making friends takes time, especially if you’re dealing with anxiety or past trauma. It’s okay if the process feels slow or uncomfortable at first. Be patient with yourself and remember that building meaningful connections doesn’t happen overnight.
4. Be Vulnerable (in Small Steps)
Friendships thrive on vulnerability, but it can feel intimidating to open up, especially if trust is an issue. Start by sharing small pieces of yourself—your likes, your thoughts, your experiences. As you feel more comfortable, you can gradually let people into your world. Remember, vulnerability is a two-way street. As you open up, others are more likely to do the same!
5. Recognize the Quality Over Quantity
In adulthood, it's not about having a large group of friends, but about building meaningful, genuine connections. Even if you make one or two close friends, that can be more fulfilling than a large social network. Focus on quality over quantity.
Navigating Friendships as an Adult with Trauma or Anxiety
If you’ve experienced trauma or deal with anxiety, making friends can feel especially complex. You may worry about getting hurt, feel unsure about who to trust, or experience social anxiety that makes it difficult to put yourself out there. It’s important to honor these feelings and recognize that they’re valid. However, it’s also important not to let them stop you from building new connections.
Set boundaries: It’s okay to take things slow and set boundaries in new friendships. You don’t have to share your life story right away or spend every free moment with someone. Take the time you need to feel comfortable.
Practice self-compassion: If you struggle with anxiety in social situations, be kind to yourself. You’re not alone in feeling nervous or uncertain. Remind yourself that making friends is a process, and it’s okay if it doesn’t happen perfectly every time.
Lean on therapy: If you’re working through trauma, anxiety, or trust issues, a therapist can be a valuable resource in helping you navigate friendships. Therapy can provide support, tools, and strategies to help you feel more confident in building relationships. Click here to learn more about my services as a therapist. I can help you feel more connected to yourself and those around you!
You’re Not Alone in This
Caley Gelsomino, LCSW and Founder of CBG Counseling, Virtual EMDR Therapist in Virginia, Rhode Island, Florida, South Carolina and North Carolina
Making friends in adulthood is complex, but it’s also incredibly rewarding. If you’re feeling disconnected or unsure of where to start, know that you’re not alone.
So many adults feel the same way, and many are just as eager to form new connections. Take small steps, be open to new experiences, and remember that true, meaningful friendships are worth the effort.
If you're struggling to navigate the complexities of making friends, therapy can help you work through the barriers that might be holding you back.
Whether it's trauma, anxiety, or simply feeling stuck, there are ways to heal and create the friendships you deserve.
If you’re looking to start therapy with a therapist who gets it, reach out to us today.
Click here to learn more about our services at CGB Counseling. We offer virtual therapy for those who live in Virginia, Florida, North Carolina, South Carolina or Rhode Island. I can’t wait to connect with you.
Till next time
-C.G
